I am moving this post off of its own page and replacing it with a page called Power Rankings. Here I’ll rank my top activities, interests, peeps, etc in my life on a semi weekly basis. Seeing nobody reads this waste of internet space, the Power Rankings are meant purely for my own reference of direction after a night on the town. RIP Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Ok, so we’re all adults here right? If not read no more.
I want to simplify my life. With gas prices, global cooling, Brooke Knows Best, and yellowing teeth who wants to add any unecessary burden or stress to our everyday lives? Not me. Not sure where you work, but where I work I have to dress in slacks and a dress shirt (tucked in). It’s hard enough to tuck the darn shirt in there in the first place, but worse yet, it constantly shifts around as I shuffle around the office. The most irritating thing about it is using the restroom. If I undo my belt at the urinal, it seems that my tucked in shirt assembly falls apart faster than Pro-Obama argument. So then I try to go via the zipper and leave the belt locked down. Here, I’m met by a seemingly impassable maze of cotton. I half wait for a troll to pop out of my trousers and ask me three questions before I can pass. If my hand were Jerry the mouse and there was a block of meunster in my drawers I still don’t think I could maneuver through the labirynth of cotton switchbacks until it was too late.
Faced with all this I came up with a foolproof method to eliminate any mishaps which may occur, be it a messed up shirt for the rest of the day or worse yet, 100% chance of precipitation around the equator. I call it, The Albuquerque. It’s really nothing new, take the path of least resistance. Instead of messing with the belt, or weaving through cotton forever, simply go via the fly head down south and up through the leg of your underoo’s. Once you’ve secured the package, exit the way you came, out the leg of the underoo’s. Problem solved. This can be done in a second or two, and when it’s crunch time that’s all you may have.
So next time you’re restroom forecast calls for a chance of rain, head south of the border, and get yourself a dry one-way ticket to Albuquerque.
