Aquapasture

I’m going green with going green.  The buzzwords of the eco-friendly movement are driving me bonkers.  It was cool when going green meant wearing Birkenstocks, not bathing for weeks, and growing your own crops of hashish but now everyone and their dog seems to be turning a shade of green.  Hell, even my Dookie Howser MD was green after scarfing that box of Hot Pockets the other night.  Will someone free me from this green cyclone I’m in.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the outdoors and want them kept pristine and don’t plan on charging through the forest in a coal fired Hummer pulling a trailer carrying the Exxon Valdez. But when someone drives a Prius and buys “Green” Clorox cleaner so they can feel warm and fuzzy inside I tend to question their motives.  The “Green” movement is the largest guilt trip marketing scam of my lifetime.  I was a fan of Captain Planet back in the day.  I respected him for what he did but his efforts as the founding father of eco-conservation have snow balled into an avalanche of down right absurd “eco-friendly” products.
Hopefully the Green Movement will stop being absurd and come back to practicality.  I’ll keep living my life in the Beige realm.  Meaning I’ll pledge to ride my bike as much as I can, not due to my imaginary carbon fottprint but because I can and enjoy the exercise.  I’ll never buy products with the buzzwords of “green, eco, sustainable, earth, etc” in the product title.  Limit my waste, but not to an absurd level of my recycling toenail clippings to be used as roofing material.  Insist on having keg parties instead of green picnics.   Buy credits on the Space Invaders arcade game at the local arcade instead of buying imaginary carbon credits.  Enjoy the comfort of a blazing furnace in the winter and the hum of A/C in the summer.   I’m telling you Greenies, life is grand in the Beige zone.