Wherever I go, my Census and Me!!!…..My Census won’t be used for “counting every man, woman, and child.”  Instead I’ll utilize it as toilet paper, a napkin, a coffee filter, roll it up as a telescope, a frisbee, fold it up as a sailor hat, a rag to wash the floor, put it in the spokes of my bike so it sounds like a motorcycle,a nonstick liner for my casserole dish, a floor mat for my truck, a blanket, chopped up for confetti in a pinch, taped back together as head cover for my golf clubs, and umbrella, a sail for my boats in the bathtub, taped on my pants to hide the coffee stain, scraping ice off my windshield, a shim for the wobbly table at the diner, rolled up as a straw, a sled, taped on my window to “go green” and insulate my house, replace a roof shingle, a scoop to clean out the litter box, a coaster for the coffee table, a kite, a handkerchief, paper airplane, crumpled in my speedo for bulge enhancement, insoles for my sneakers, a mousepad, cutout as a paper snowflake in winter, taped back together in Spring as a tent for camping, a shield for sword fights, something to 3 hole punch when I’m bored at the office, something to fill in between stacks of $20’s when trying to pull a fast one on the mob, a folder, a paper target for my BB gun, on second though maybe I’ll crumple it up as a basketball and put it in the trash can.

My compass is spinning as I wonder why
Cannot they see the flood in my eyes
Why must I cry
Why must I live this Lie
Are we only placed here to die
Why must I make these decisions
Why must I be counted upon
The Pillars of my foundation are gone
Oh when I step out of this world
into another paradise
It’ll be like crossing into heaven
from my own demise
Ridin the elevator straight to the sky
A place far and clear
No one knows why
Just understand sometimes
it’s easier to disappear
disappear into the wind
climbing higher and higher
as my situation grows dire
I begin to feel the life in my legs
The summit of inner peace is what I seek
the farther I fall, the higher the peak

Not sure what you’ll find useful about this post.  You probably just wasted 30 seconds of your life, and continue to waste time as you read me typing about you wasting time.  I suppose you can try my technique for putting on pants and see if it works.  And opposed to the saying, I don’t put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.  I put them on two legs at a time.  And now I put them on two legs at a time while wearing a helmet.

**********UPDATE**********

After a weekend of drowning the spoon in icy waters I’m happy to report it was a success.  The recession is over and my dinner plate is no longer empty.  Here are some pics of the fish fooled with the Slabbin’ Spoon.