It usually proceeds something likes this.  I get rolling on a post of humor, thought, or whatever the flavor of the moment is and then about 4 beers deep I get tired.  Tired might be a scapegoat.  Bored seems pretentious.  Disinterested seems to fit the bill.  “Blogging A.D.D.” might be my official diagnosis, if I were an M.D.  I simply lose interest in the topic that, just a few beers earlier had my neurotransmitters blazin’.  It’s like stomping the accelerator of a car, snapping the needle at red-line and sending a piston rocketing through the engine block.  Envision Main Street, USA on a Saturday night….Rubber is burned, ladies are impressed, then a tremendous explosion and silence. (Not sure if this was another car analogy or something with filthy undertones)

I have to digress here for a second.  I’m not sure why I always have a car analogy to throw out there.  I’ve never really cared for cars.

Anyways, back on track.  So, if this blog is to survive and not fall flat on its face after complaining of chest pains, I must combat this”Blogging ADD” head on.  This can only mean one thing, drink slower and write faster.

1: Senate seeks a Compromise on Financial Reform Bill
The article includes a picture of Obama giving a speech with arms outstretched.  The imagery gives the impression that safety rests under the wings of Barry.  That, with the needed change comes hope…or some bullshit like that.  Anyway, the article addresses the “need” for sweeping financial reform so we “never” have another financial meltdown.  You have to love reform.  How can we forget the recent health care reform bill.  The one that was supposed to extend coverage to millions AND save money..wait, whats this..it will COST more…good thing we find that out AFTER it is passed.  It further goes on to declare the need for a new agency to protect consumers in the marketplace.  Oh another agency!  This is fantastic…(See headline 3) Other statements in the article say that “we need to reign in Wall St. risky practices.”  Correct me if I’m wrong here but the majority of the financial crisis was created by defaults on subprime mortgages.  Those mortgages were urged by Congress, so everyone had the “right” to home ownership.  Makes about as much sense as taking a dook in my front yard.

2) Goldman, White House ties raise eyebrows
So Goldman is shackin’ up at the the White House…Gee I am shocked.  These “Wall St. Fatcats” who need to be reigned in to avoid another financial crisis, donated about a million bucks to Obamas 08 Presidential run.  Then while under investigation from the SEC, their CEO visited the White House numerous times.  SEC..we’ll cover those guys in headline 3, where they’re on top of their game.

3) SEC Workers Were Watching Porn as Economy Tanked
In their defense, it probably is more exciting watching a wobbly H than plummeting stock charts.  I digress, back to the main point of the current financial reform push.  The Administration is saying we need more oversight, so we don’t have another financial crisis.  I can see it now…the SEC offices don’t have cubicles but coin operated booths where they put in gold coins (tax payer $) and the curtain raises to show pole dancers holding top financial firms latest earnings reports.  As the SEC execs sit in the shadows smoking stogies they contemplate the risks of these fat cats.  The curtain closes as the timer runs out.  Question, if Goldman was in bed with the White House, would the SEC watch?  Maybe if they got to 2nd base on a webcam.  This is a system that I have confidence won’t let another meltdown happen. (sarcasm)

4) B of A wants to let jobless skip house payments
Because we simply cannot let those people miss a payment.  I mean times are tough.  So tough in fact that Uncle Sam has extended benefits to 99 weeks by extending payroll taxes.  The incentives to be unemployed are starting to outweigh the pros of being employed.  I should just buy an Xbox and get fired, life would be great.  And what does BofA have to fear, if they run out of money, I’m sure Uncle Sam would be glad to step in with an IOU.

So since I believe everything I read I can only conclude that we need more financial reform and agency oversight  so we can have more agencies who watch porn and more corporations who are in bed with politicians.  And just in case a company does something where they will lose revenue, Uncle Sam will be there like a nurturing mother because they are “too big to fail.”   Actually it seems the problem more lies with Washington.  Can I get a hell yeah for lobbyist, politician reform?

Not sure what you’ll find useful about this post.  You probably just wasted 30 seconds of your life, and continue to waste time as you read me typing about you wasting time.  I suppose you can try my technique for putting on pants and see if it works.  And opposed to the saying, I don’t put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.  I put them on two legs at a time.  And now I put them on two legs at a time while wearing a helmet.

 Even with paying income taxes those evil capitalists FedEx and UPS managed to make handsome profits.  Unfortunately, with the benefit of no income taxes the USPS was only able to come within a stones throw (aka loss of 4.7 Billion) of that glorious break even point.  The news gets worse.  USPS is projected to lose $7 Billion dollars in FY 2009 and a cool $7 Billion more in FY 2010.  Hopefully, UPS and FedEx flourish so they can pay all those taxes to subsidize the government ran USPS.   For the life of me I can’t seem to transpose the efficiency of the USPS into a government run health-care system that is supposed to eliminate the current inefficiencies of private health-care.

PS>  I’m a goober but from what I can tell these numbers and information are legit and are a lamens way of looking at the private vs. public debate in apples to apples terms…..But then again what the hell do I know?

UPS Financials

FedEx Financials

USPS Financials

USPS FY 2008 Report

Slabbin v. \ˈslabbng\ (slabber. slabjack, slabaholic) The art of catching smallmouth bass the size of milk cartons repeadedly while ones fishing partners unsnag their lines from the bushes.  - “Under the baking sun I was slabbin like a sequoia sent to the sawmill”

Albuquerque

Ok, so we’re all adults here right?  If not read no more.

I want to simplify my life.  With gas prices, global cooling, Brooke Knows Best, and yellowing teeth who wants to add any unecessary burden or stress to our everyday lives?  Not me.  Not sure where you work, but where I work I have to dress in slacks and a dress shirt (tucked in).  It’s hard enough to tuck the darn shirt in there in the first place, but worse yet, it constantly shifts around as I shuffle around the office.  The most irritating thing about it is using the restroom. If I undo my belt at the urinal, it seems that my tucked in shirt assembly falls apart faster than Pro-Obama argument.  So then I try to go via the zipper and leave the belt locked down.  Here, I’m met by a seemingly impassable maze of cotton.  I half wait for a troll to pop out of my trousers and ask me three questions before I can pass.  If my hand were Jerry the mouse and there was a block of meunster in my drawers I still don’t think I could maneuver through the labirynth of cotton switchbacks until it was too late.

Faced with all this I came up with a foolproof method to eliminate any mishaps which may occur, be it a messed up shirt for the rest of the day or worse yet, 100% chance of precipitation around the equator.  I call it, The Albuquerque.  It’s really nothing new, take the path of least resistance.  Instead of messing with the belt, or weaving through cotton forever, simply go via the fly head down south and up through the leg of your underoo’s.  Once you’ve secured the package, exit the way you came, out the leg of the underoo’s.  Problem solved.  This can be done in a second or two, and when it’s crunch time that’s all you may have.

So next time you’re restroom forecast calls for a chance of rain, head south of the border, and get yourself a dry one-way ticket to Albuquerque.

Aside from tasting like liquid nirvana when it hits your lips on a hot day, there are more appealing qualities of PBR.  It proudly flaunts its vintage greatness.  As you’ll notice on the can, it was established in Milwaukee in 1844.  Also on the can it states that PBR was selected as Americas Best in 1893. You have to respect something that takes 49 years to climb to the top.  Safe to say that, PBR isn’t the Hannah Montana of beers.  You also have to respect a company that boasts of their last claim to fame being 116 years ago.  One might suspect that they’ve never since reached the top escheleon of American beers.  I beg to differ though.  I translate this as saying that since 1893 they’ve been on the top podium looking down at all the gaper brews.

PBR, unlike a 45 year old Coug at a bar smoking Virginia Slims, thanks for knowing your place in the world and staying true to your 1844 roots.