Aquapasture » Coors

Float your Boat

aquapasture — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:11:20 +0000

As the saying goes, “Whatever floats your boat.” If your boat isn’t floating you’ll end up sinking into a miserable human being. So find what will keep you afloat. For some adrenaline junkies it’s jumping off a cliff in a wing suit. At the other end of the scale is the guy who’s idea of living on the edge is shredding stapled paper while wearing a tie. But, you’ll need more than an adrenaline rush to keep you above the surface. Truth be told I’m not sure what the hell floats my boat. Sometimes I’m in a float tube in the Atlantic during the Perfect Storm holding a lightning rod in my left hand and a bag of chum in my right. Other times, I’m going 80 mph in a cigarette boat skipping off the tops of the waves wearing Ray Bans and sporting Zinc Oxide on my schnoz while blastin’ .38 Special….straight floatin’ my boat.

This might sound cornier than a tank full of Ethanol but, to me life is about finding out what floats your boat. There’s great weather, hurricanes, calm water, and rough seas on the horizon. Learn and appreciate along the way and before you know it nothing will be able to sink you. It’s not a single thing that’ll keep you seaworthy, but a combination of experiences, lessons, relationships, and perspective that’ll keep you off the ocean floor and basking in the sun.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, bologna, change, Coors, couch, Darwin, facts, snooze button

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetle……

aquapasture — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 00:30:38 +0000

I’d take Michael Keaton making inappropriate advances to ladies any day over this guy on my doorstep.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, Beer, camping, change, Coors, couch, Meunster, National Security, news, yahtzee

Jonas Brothers should come with a disclaimer

aquapasture — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:18:23 +0000

Aquapasture.com and myself have been off the radar for a while. I’m back but am operating at about 80% with power spurts that max out at about 85%. The reason for my temporary departure from this world is something of a mystery. It all started about three weeks ago. I was rollin East on the highway at about 4500 rpm’s when the DJ on the radio said that the Jonas Brothers latest single was up next. Now, I’m about as hip as a Calista Flockhart pantsuit so even with all the hype of the Jonas Brothers I’d never heard one of their songs. With great anticipation I waited out the commercials to listen to the much ballyhooed Jonas Brothers. At then it hit, through my speakers the sound of a cat being violated by a stallion inside a washing machine. A cloud of disgust formed in the cab of my truck and my vision became fuzzy…then everything went black. Next thing I know I came to in an arroyo with urine soaked clothes and an empty wallet. I checked my orifices and headed back to town. I can’t even try to explain what happened to me but I can do my best to warn you of the dangers of listening to the Jonas Brothers. I tried to be adventurous and give them a chance, nearly at the cost of my life. You’ve been warned.

Alternately…during my comatose state in the desert I had an epiphany…based on ridiculous hair alone..I believe the Jonas Brothers are the illegitimate sons on none other than Governor Rod Blagojevich. You be the judge?

Posted in Politics, Random Tagged: bologna, change, Coors, Meunster, Mustang, National Security, Politics, Stoon, yahtzee

Deforestation

aquapasture — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:29:53 +0000

From time to time rogue branches lead to my arborist skills being called upon. Beigedown sent the word of such outlaw limbs. I grabbed my 24″ Stihl and handsaw, then hopped on my bike headed to the LZ. In the end, these limbs were too much for the audacity of the 24″ Stihl. And even though, my handsaw has teeth gnarlier than a meth head, it couldn’t defeat these pesky branches. These were Level Midnight twigs, the kind that can only be torn down with flannel shirts and bailing twine. Not sure on the video quality, I think there was a swarm of locusts overhead and a Sasquatch ran through at 0:14. Made a note to put new camera in the AP.com 2010 fiscal budget.

PS. This is probably only funny if you were there. Sorry you read it.

Posted in Random Tagged: Beigedown, Coors, gnar, Meunster, Stoon

Still have the moves

aquapasture — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 03:50:59 +0000

Blast from the past. For those of you who new me in college you might remember me hunched over an old PC playing this game hours on end. Needless to say I was a hit with the ladies. By ‘hit” I mean ‘nerd”. You can download the ingredients for the nerd life here. For my college years I wonder which is greater, the number of apples eaten by my 2D motorcycle or the amount of bottle caps thrown at a plastic cup on Wednesday nights. Probably a wash.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, Coors, couch, facts, Meunster, Mustang, snooze button

Watch for falling rock

aquapasture — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 01:57:01 +0000

so it begins…Day one of demo is complete. Good thing considering I consumed enough asbestos to do without dinner. In the before picture please disregard the brown stains coming out of the main wasteline, this is merely a coincidence. In the after picture please disregard the shotty electrical wiring and the moldy wood. As for the during picture, I took every OSHA precaution in the book and still managed to get copious amounts of “dust” on my teeth. The good news is, I’m no longer dizzy and my loogies are no longer black. Once demo was complete I put the extension ladder up to see how high the wall will be. Let’s just I was lightheaded from my bloody nose. Might have to incorporate some ropes on this project. well time to go floss, update # 2 coming soon.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, Beigedown, bologna, Coors, facts, Meunster, monkey, Stoon, yahtzee

Let’s Get It On

aquapasture — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 04:47:45 +0000

Recently I laced ‘em up with my posse, grabbed my Slayer Greatest Hits Tape and headed off to a local MMA event. It should be noted that I was only a spectator, for the record I only tussle in parallelograms. Obviously the king of the MMA domain is testosterone. Walking around the arena it’s kosh to double fist brews, talk ass kickin’, pop knuckles, and flex ones traps. I had this dialed in, that is until nature called. With the large beer sales, naturally there was a line to the John. When my number got called the only available urinal was the totally exposed junior flush on the end. I’m not exactly a giant but the toilet seemed lower than current 30 year fixed rates.

“You can do this…stay focused don’t go Sahara here.” I thought to myself.

Normally I don’t succumb to stage-fright, but with the elevated state of masculinity and the wannabe floor drain I was peeing into, things began to look drier than the sense of humor on this blog.

“Hoover Dam, Yosemite Falls, Global Warming.” I though of as I tried to turn the faucet on. All to no avail.

Then I remembered a quote I’d seen recently;
” The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.”

That’s it!! They were closing the beer stands in a few minutes and I don’t have anymore time for this porcelain v. pee stalemate. The floodgates opened, the goods were flushed, the hands were washed, and the double fists were full in a matter of minutes.

So kids, the moral of the story is….wait for the stalls to open up.

When it’s all said and done these guys are crazy. To get into the ring with a chance of becoming victim to a rear naked patella enema takes more cajones than I have. Keep fightin and I’ll keep watchin’.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, Beer, bologna, Coors, yahtzee

The GF Effect

aquapasture — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:14:42 +0000

Not that I was really ever a Don Juan at the bar scene. For most of my prowling days I had the muscle mass of a new born calf and was as smooth talking as Porky Pig trying to buy bacon. But these days with a girlfriend of quite some time whom I love very much I find the occasional night out with the guys oh so much more pleasant. No longer do I concern myself with trying to impress the lady folk by calling 8 Ball corner pocket with the cue behind my back all while sipping some god awful concoction. No these days it’s missed cue balls, beer, and not even noticing the hussies who just walked in…ok might be a lie there. I notice them, I just don’t puff my chest out and do my best baritone “Wassup” when they walk by. It’s totally liberating to go from striking out more than Reggie Jackson to being content to be the water boy.

Now the ladies will say “Constipated Holmes, that’s exactly how it should be if you have a girlfriend!” But the fellas out there should hear my noise.

Posted in Random Tagged: after hours, Beer, chili bomb, Coors

Shred the Couch Brah!!!!

aquapasture — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:41:29 +0000

In anticipation of ski season I am sitting on the couch and thinking about exercices I should be doing to get ready to rip the crud. Here’s an example of an easy exercise to do, single leg squats. Ok back to my Coors Light and Office DVD.

Single Leg Squats